Random

I really need to go shopping...  I have no milk.  I have no eggs.  I have no cheese slices.  I have no food with which I can make a meal...  I was thinking about ordering pizza...but that's not really gonna help me w/that whole trying-to-lose-weight thing...  Haha!

So yeah.  I'm hungry.

I also need a vacation.  I really wanna get outta town.  Just for a weekend...that'd be so incredibly awesome!  And I don't mean a family vacation either...my parents informed me they're planning on going to my mom's parents' for New Years...so I'll prob go with them...but, I'll also prob be sooo ready for a vacation after that too.  Hahaha!!  I just want to get away...from the stress.

I paid bills yesterday...ouch.

Oh my gosh.  So...there's all kinds of drama going on w/BJ and Michelle...Idk if I mentioned that she's preggers.  Again.  Well...if not, she is.  She's due May 5th...  Well...on Sunday, they "broke up."  BJ told me Monday evening and not five minutes after we got done talking, I received an email from Michelle telling me about it...they broke up b/c she cheated.  Well, BJ and I hung out for the first time in several months on Tues...he asked the bartender to accompany him to my bday party next weekend...  When Michelle found out (Idk why BJ answered his phone or why he brought up the bartender), she FLIPPED out!!  She told him "we are back together.  You will marry me and you will love me."  Really??

Anyway, like I said...much drama this week...it'll continue to be drama-full as the weeks continue...I can feel it.  Last night Michelle wanted to hang out w/me...I was glad when other friends showed up too...if she's gonna want me to choose a side, I hope she realizes that BJ is my best friend, not her...  (I really don't wanna be in the middle of this...)

Soooo, I'm gonna run...not literally of course.  Haha!  I have some things I need to get done...  Have a great night!!

:e)

I know I just posted a pulse about how I've already picked out my wedding colors...  I'm not even remotely close to being in a long-term relationship that may lead to marriage...  However, I love looking at wedding stuff...  Here are my ideas for the bridal party:

Groom - black tux, white shirt, apple red vest, apple red bow tie, black shoes, white boutinere

Groomsmen - white shirt, black pants, apple red vest, apple red bow tie, black shoes, white boutinere

Ring bearer - apple red shirt, black pants, white tie, black shoes, white boutinere, white pillow w/apple red ribbon

Brides maids - apple red dress, black slipper shoes, white rose

Flower girl - apple red dress w/white sash, black slipper shoes, white basket w/apple red ribbon

Is this too much considering I'm incredibly single??  I mean, I am 25.  I feel like I should already be well on my way to being married...but I'm no where even close...  Regardless, this is my thought on my hopefully-someday-future bridal party.  Haha!

If you wanna know what I'd be wearing, well...  I haven't chosen the dress yet...  I have several in mind...  I have nine specifically that I've looked at online and absolutely love!  I'd be carrying white and red roses...  Maybe.  Most likely...

Haha...  Really, I'm not deparate.  I just love dreaming...

:e)

Today I went to church...  I really felt good being in God's house!!  I didn't realize how much I missed the fellowship...  The church is local and I think I'll be attending more regularly...

:e)

I had a great weekend!!

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were spent at a conference.  I went through three workshops that were all about play therapy.  Then one about how to help kids through grief and loss.  And then another about PTSD.  I went to another that I didn't sign up for... Spiritual Terrorism.  That was the most boring church-like thing I have ever sat through!!  But, overall, the conference was excellent.

Saturday evening I went to my parents'.  And a local festival.  I bought some delicious food there.  :-p

Late, late Saturday (well, early Sunday), I went to a friend's.  Sunday afternoon we went 4-wheeler riding, and I hung out with a bunch of...pretty awesomely fun ppl.

Today I had fun hanging with that same friend...  After watching him play video games for a while, I decided it was time to leave.  When I told him I was heading out, he tackled me and pinned me on the couch.  We played around a bit and he told me "I didn't want you leaving feeling ignored."  Haha!  The last time I was at his place, his PS3 was very new and he ignored me the ENTIRE time I was there!  And I posted on facebook, "Jane doesn't like feeling ignored... Among other things...  But I love Wendy's spicy chicken! :e)"  He evidently read that...  And today he was determined to keep things good b/w us...

I really wish I knew that we could go further with our relationship...  But we can't... At least, not right now...  He has some major problems...  Like major, major.  Not simply depression (tho that isn't necessarily simple...).  More like he has ... I don't even think that it's my place to share it on here, even tho I am anonymous...

Anyway, I had an awesome weekend.

:e)

School has started.

My internship has started.

I'm exhausted already.

Last night I talked with JJ.  Briefly.  I sent him a txt that said, "Would you pray for me?"  Lemme start from earlier in the day...maybe even earlier in the week:

This has been an incredibly long couple of weeks.  I went and visited my sister and her family (who live several states away) and got back last Thursday.  I worked Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (as usual).  On Monday I went on a lil roadtrip w/my brothers and one of their friends from school.  Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings I got up at 545am in order to get out the door around 645 so I could get to the girl's house w/whom I'm carpooling with by 7am-ish.  We have to drive about 45 min to our place where we're interning.  We're there from 8-4pm.  On Tues and Wed we had evening classes, so I didn't get home til 930pm on those days.  Yesterday I got home a lil after 5pm.

Stresses: Between the two classes, I have SEVEN chapters to read by next week.  I have not done my laundry in over two weeks (and Idk when I'll be able to get it done).  One of my youth leaders from high school has a terminal brain tumor.  Work seems like it may be too much to handle during my last year of grad school.  But if I quit my job, I'd no longer have insurance.  I'm not concerned w/the loss of income b/c my student loan money will get me thru, but if something happens medically, I wouldn't be covered.  Even tho BJ and I live together, I hardly ever see him.  I'm so tired.  I feel like I'm being pulled in ten million directions.  I feel like I have no one to talk to about my struggles, or about anything, really.

I was lying in bed, crying.  And it hit me that I should txt JJ.  I do thank God for him.  JJ asked if there was anything in particular he should pray for.  I started rambling about how I am struggling with life, depression, loneliness.  I'm glad that even tho JJ and I aren't as close as we once were, that he still wants to pray for me...

Personally, I've been praying more than I have been.  But I am still struggling...  I know these things take time.  But I also know that this is the beginning of the semester and if I'm already having issues dealing w/this stuff when the full stresses of school haven't hit yet, that I'm gonna need more strength...and I really appreciate JJ not even hesitating to pray...

Well, I think I need a nap before work.  I sleep a whole 8 hrs last night, but I'm still really tired...  I think I'm gonna meet w/my manager (maybe even his manager) and try to work something out w/my schedule.  I really wanna get back into church.  When I'm scheduled during services every Sunday, however, that's kinda not possible.  I know I could limit the time I work on Sundays for "religious purposes", but the more you cut back on your availability, the less hours you get.  Idk.  Thinking about only working on Friday and Saturdays...  But I doubt they'd fly for that.  We'll see tho...  Haha

I'm off to sleepyland for about an hr...have a great day ppls...

:e)